Consider the lillies...

"Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin. Yet I say unto you that even Soloman in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these" Matthew 6:28-29


Apology - this is a slightly longer blog entry than usual, maybe two minutes instead of one half to read.

It's a really bad time to be looking for a job anywhere, much less Fresno. A strange thing has happened since I moved here. The first week I was here, I was sick with stress and worry. And I got a very clear message from God one morning - the kind I almost never get, the kind that is unquestionably clear for someone who might be spiritually hard of hearing.

He said three words to me "I will provide." That's it. No clarification, he didn't even repeat it.

And I've meditated on those words for weeks. I was meditating on them when I sent out my first round of resume's and at my first job interview. I meditate on it when I check the job boards on Craig's list and Career Builder every day. I meditated when the first week went by at my commission-only job without any commission, then the second week. I meditated when I told my boss that I couldn't stay. I meditated when my plans to buy a car fell through. I meditate when my roommate is gracious enough to make dinner again with her own groceries so that I can stop living off of bananas, tortillas and starbucks. I meditate every time I have to reload my starbucks card so that I can use their wi-fi, my only option for connecting to the internet until we get our own service.

And it has all of it - all of it! - felt like it's going according to plan. Not my plan, of course - so whose? It's a feeling I've never EVER had before. That even though things look pretty bad, it's all part of the plan.

If you track the Apostle Paul's footsteps throughout his ministry in the middle east, there were a couple of times when he back-tracked, but it was all God-lead. Though it would seem a waste of time, Paul was where God wanted him at all times.

I used to think "Wow, God, I couldn't do it. I could not go in a direction, not knowing where I'm going, and then be told to turn around and go back without thinking that I had screwed up." And I always wanted that - the ability to follow a plan I don't understand.

But I sit here with my vanilla late and I wonder - when God said "I will provide" what did he mean? I've been watching to find out HOW he'll provide, but maybe I should have been asking WHAT he will provide. Maybe it's not financial, maybe it's emotional. Maybe it's faith. Maybe it's peace. Maybe it's that joy that I've been missing for so long.

Maybe those are the things I needed the most.

"Your Father knows what you need before you ask him." - Matthew 6:8