Moving back home

Moving back in with mom and dad. It’s something that a lot of people do. This Summer is my fourth time moving back home. Easy? No. But there are some great things about moving home. So for anyone else who finds themselves back in your old bedroom again, I have some advice for making the most of it.

Because “the most of it” is actually a lot.

First, you are being smart. Ego is expensive. Saving money is smart. I know you’ve told this to the bathroom mirror many times, but sometimes it’s just nice to hear someone else say it.

Second, your parents aren’t going to be around forever. Now is the perfect time to take advantage of all the advice they have that you were too cool to listen to in high school.

And if you have siblings, like I do, living at home may be your last chance to bond with them and let them know how much you love them.

About the “tension” that everyone worries about. It really depends on your attitude. I used to have major tension whenever I moved back home, and I thought it was just part of the deal. Until I realized that my boyfriend was living back home too – completely sans-tension. I asked him "how do you do that?"

It is possible, you just have to apply some ground rules. I’ve found that these rules also provide for a stress-free roommate situation as well.

• Establish the expectations upon arrival. My parents sat me down my first week home and said they expected four things: for me to be active in finding a job, help around the house, eat meals with the family, and obey the golden rule.

• The golden rule is “Treat others as you would want them to treat you.” It’s from the Bible – “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If there’s any possible way you could disagree with it, there is also a Buddhist teaching similar to it. “Don’t treat others the way you would not like to be treated by others.”

• Be courteous. Whenever there’s a problem, it usually starts with some lack of courtesy – not doing your dishes, eating someone else’s food, leaving a mess in the bath room, etc. It’s hard to be overly-courteous. Very easy to be under-courteous.

• Pick your battles. My parents and I fight over stuff, like if entertainment is ruining society or if society is ruining entertainment. I’ve decided that I don’t need them to validate my opinion, and I don’t need them to agree with me. That’s when the argument stops. It’s not worth it. Use your time at home to build memories, not resentment.

If your parents don’t recognize you as an adult, there is an easy way for you to establish your independence. Do adult things. Make dinner. Take out the trash. Pay your own phone bill. Get up at a reasonable hour. If you are expecting your mom to make you pancakes and pick up your dirty socks, then don’t be surprised when she treats you like a child.

If you ever feel like you are going to lose it – you just can’t watch one more John Wayne or listen to Kenny G anymore – do it like a grown up. Go away, breathe deep, settle down. It’s easier for us to take it out on our family than other people because our family is stuck with us. Resist. Be an adult. Deal with it privately.

Family is so important. This is something anyone will tell you. Living with them can be a breeding-ground for memories and life lessons. Take advantage of the opportunities you have to love your family in this unique situation you find yourself in.