Serious relationships

"I'm ready to have a serious relationship," she said to me.

Okay, I thought. So she's ready to share her life with someone. She's ready to accept the imperfections of another, sacrifice her freedom as an individual and endure unromantic dinner conversations for the sake of sweet spiritual intimacy.

Boy, was I wrong. Week after week, the sob stories continued, only what we used to call "serial dates" were now the false starts of her "serious relationship."

I wanted to ask her - what has changed? Your standards haven't, your lack of boundaries haven't, your approach to initiating a relationship hasn't. So, why are you so surprized that the outcome is also unchanged?

Sometimes, when people say "I'm ready for a serious relationship," what they are really saying is "I'm seriously ready to find someone who will make me happy without making me alter my lifestyle." Hah, good luck chic.

If you are ready for a serious relationship, it means you are ready to change. There is a difference between being sick of the same old thing and being ready for something serious.

Here's a couple of tips for you if you think you are ready to meet "The One."

• Be satisfied with who you are. Your self esteem should NOT hinge on your relationship status. If you think having a relationship will make you happy about yourself, you are WRONG!
• Are you imagining those Target commercials of the couple riding horses, painting bedrooms, and cooking omelets together? Forget it! Think about how you will handle jealousy, not liking each other's friends, disagreeing on the name of your first child, and mega compromises. The honey-moon phase is easy, try the next 50 years.
  
• This will NOT be easy. This is going to be HARD. How hard? Too hard for half of the people who try it.
  
• Sometimes Love is inescapable. Sometimes. Most of the time it's a choice, one that's worth it. And when you lose it, sometimes you have to fake it for a while - which is also worth it.
  
• Be selfless. Think of the other person first, and you can't go wrong.
• Be in love with the person, not the feeling. Don't plan your wedding without the groom.

This is what I say to everyone who feels the burden of finding a life-mate:

Let love happen to you. Find someone you adore, and make them happy for the rest of your life.

So if you are ready - truly ready - go forth. Just remember, everyone gets discouraged, everyone feels alone, everyone wonders if it will ever happen. Patience, confidence, and selflessness will guide you through this.