Moving back home

Moving back in with mom and dad. It’s something that a lot of people do. This Summer is my fourth time moving back home. Easy? No. But there are some great things about moving home. So for anyone else who finds themselves back in your old bedroom again, I have some advice for making the most of it.

Because “the most of it” is actually a lot.

First, you are being smart. Ego is expensive. Saving money is smart. I know you’ve told this to the bathroom mirror many times, but sometimes it’s just nice to hear someone else say it.

Second, your parents aren’t going to be around forever. Now is the perfect time to take advantage of all the advice they have that you were too cool to listen to in high school.

And if you have siblings, like I do, living at home may be your last chance to bond with them and let them know how much you love them.

About the “tension” that everyone worries about. It really depends on your attitude. I used to have major tension whenever I moved back home, and I thought it was just part of the deal. Until I realized that my boyfriend was living back home too – completely sans-tension. I asked him "how do you do that?"

It is possible, you just have to apply some ground rules. I’ve found that these rules also provide for a stress-free roommate situation as well.

• Establish the expectations upon arrival. My parents sat me down my first week home and said they expected four things: for me to be active in finding a job, help around the house, eat meals with the family, and obey the golden rule.

• The golden rule is “Treat others as you would want them to treat you.” It’s from the Bible – “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If there’s any possible way you could disagree with it, there is also a Buddhist teaching similar to it. “Don’t treat others the way you would not like to be treated by others.”

• Be courteous. Whenever there’s a problem, it usually starts with some lack of courtesy – not doing your dishes, eating someone else’s food, leaving a mess in the bath room, etc. It’s hard to be overly-courteous. Very easy to be under-courteous.

• Pick your battles. My parents and I fight over stuff, like if entertainment is ruining society or if society is ruining entertainment. I’ve decided that I don’t need them to validate my opinion, and I don’t need them to agree with me. That’s when the argument stops. It’s not worth it. Use your time at home to build memories, not resentment.

If your parents don’t recognize you as an adult, there is an easy way for you to establish your independence. Do adult things. Make dinner. Take out the trash. Pay your own phone bill. Get up at a reasonable hour. If you are expecting your mom to make you pancakes and pick up your dirty socks, then don’t be surprised when she treats you like a child.

If you ever feel like you are going to lose it – you just can’t watch one more John Wayne or listen to Kenny G anymore – do it like a grown up. Go away, breathe deep, settle down. It’s easier for us to take it out on our family than other people because our family is stuck with us. Resist. Be an adult. Deal with it privately.

Family is so important. This is something anyone will tell you. Living with them can be a breeding-ground for memories and life lessons. Take advantage of the opportunities you have to love your family in this unique situation you find yourself in.

Working "Kids"

“They have me down as a no-show”, she snorted as she punched her employee number into the computer. I looked at the clock. I looked at her. “You were supposed to be here almost two hours ago.” I said. “You didn’t call. You didn’t show. You are a no-show.” I could see she still thought it was unfair.

Welcome to the next generation of worker bees in the big American hive of opportunity. Generation Y, or “Millennials”, they’re calling us. The differences in work ethics and expectations between juniors and seniors in the work place are generating tension in almost every corner of the economy. Have no fear, reconciliation is here.

First, let me speak to my own kind (we always come first, as I’m sure you’ve noticed).

If you are unhappy with the cold reality of work (Punctuality, no texting at work, no lip rings, I mean, how can they demand so much?) believe that you are not under any expectations that your boss didn’t have at your age and still holds him or herself to. You are an adult now, it’s time to look and act like one, at least when you are on the clock.

For those of us who are sick of being grouped in with those other young adults who should return to kindergarten until they can learn to follow directions, I have great news for you. It is easy for you to stand out. Just work. Do what your boss says, regardless of their tone of voice. Do a good job. You will be recognized if you keep at it.

Our expectations of comfort, attention, and encouragement are unprecedented. Employers just don’t know how to react. Our school teachers knew how to pat us on the back to get us to work, but this is new to the managers of today who have always generated productivity through fear and pushing. Roll with it, its still their world.

The older generation sees us coming and they are held in awe and fear. We are technologically savvy, but also void of the elbow grease that got them where they are. We are the future, and the future doesn’t give a _____.


Now, to you who have to tolerate and adapt to us. Yes, I said adapt. This is not going to go away.

It’s okay, many big companies are implementing task forces, workshops, seminars, training sessions, etc. to learn how to deal with the Millennials that fill their cubicles. IBM, Ernst & Young, Merrill Lynch, they are all willing to taper their business style to harvest the benefits that the younger generation can offer.

We want more attention. We want constant motivation. We want treats. Yet, we want to be treated like adults. And it’s our way or the highway.

It only sounds far-fetched until you realize that this generation is supposed to pass up the baby-boomers in number, meaning that whatever you are dealing with now is only going to increase over the next 10 years by leaps and bounds as we become the majority.

Last month, Andrea Coombes at Newsday wrote a very informative, very inclusive piece called “The Generation Gap at Work.” 60 minutes, USA Today, and Time magazine also have great stories to help shed some light on the matter. There’s a lot of speculation as to what bred this attitude into us. There’s also a lot of expert opinions on what can be done about it.

With a little research, and some Kool-Aid, I think the gap can be bridged.